From Narcissistic Control to Emotional Freedom

Setting boundaries is a survival skill that many of us struggle to master. For some, it comes naturally, thanks to supportive parents who modelled healthy limits. Unfortunately, I wasn't one of those lucky ones. I was raised by a covert narcissist, someone who intentionally broke down any boundaries I tried to create, trapping me in a cycle of control and manipulation. 

To the outside world, I seemed confident and successful—a person who had it all together. But behind closed doors, my life was far from ideal. Day by day, I was emotionally dismantled, alienated from friends and family, manipulated into fulfilling my mother’s every need. She wore a mask of charm and grace for the public, while at home, I was told I was unlovable, that no one else would want me, and that my only purpose was to serve her. 

It wasn't until I was 24 years old that I found the courage to say “no” for the first time. But even then, I continued to be trapped in her web, too frightened and confused to break free. She had infiltrated every aspect of my life, making it impossible for me to live as my own person. It took another 16 years before others finally noticed and confirmed what I had always known deep down: the way I was being treated wasn’t normal. 

That moment of clarity was the turning point I needed. I finally started questioning the lies I had been told and discovered the deep manipulation that had shaped my life. At first, I felt immense sadness, followed by a burning anger. I had spent so long living in a false reality, one where I wasn’t enough and never would be unless I submitted to her every whim. She had stolen my identity, and I had lost sight of who I truly was. 

But that anger gave me the fuel I needed to change. I began the journey of reclaiming my life, discovering who I truly was, and understanding what I wanted out of life. I started small by taking space and setting boundaries, but my mother refused to respect them. She continued to manipulate and guilt-trip me, trying to pull me back into her orbit. Eventually, I realised I couldn’t just take space—I had to go no contact. 

People often ask, “But she’s your mother, how could you cut her out?” The judgment stung at first, but with time, I realised that no one who hasn’t lived through this can truly understand. A narcissistic mother isn’t a mother in the traditional sense. Their love is conditional, they lack empathy, and their children are mere possessions, existing to serve their ego.

As a child, I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel that maternal bond others had with their mothers. Now I know: it wasn’t there because she wasn’t capable of providing it. Instead, guilt, control, and emotional manipulation were the weapons she used to keep me close. At just five years old, I remember wishing I could live alone in my backyard cubby house—because even then, solitude felt safer than living with her. 

Uncovering these memories and learning to set boundaries wasn’t easy. It was a long, painful process. In the beginning, it was especially tough because I realised I was surrounded by people just like my mother. Narcissists, sensing a trained victim, had attached themselves to my life like sharks drawn to blood. Without boundaries, I had been a magnet for them. I almost married a man exactly like my mother because that dynamic felt so familiar. 

But the lessons I learned along the way made me stronger. It took time, therapy, and deep reflection to realise that I deserved more from life. I had been taught to ignore my own needs, but through this difficult journey, I learned that my needs were just as important as anyone else’s. Over time, I reclaimed my self-worth and stopped allowing others to define it for me. 

It’s been nine years since I went no contact with my mother, and I don’t regret a second of it. Choosing myself was the best decision I ever made, and now, I spend my days helping others do the same. If there's one thing I hope you take away from my story, it’s this: you deserve more. No matter what someone tells you or how trapped you feel, you deserve a life free from manipulation and control.

If you're struggling to break free from a toxic relationship, you don't have to go through it alone. Let’s work together to help you reclaim your life and set the boundaries you deserve. Reach out today and start your journey to emotional freedom.