School Refusal: The Hidden Cost of COVID-19 on Our Children's Education

In my practice, I am increasingly seeing children refuse to go to school, experiencing extreme anxiety and physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, vomiting, tears, and tantrums. These issues are particularly prevalent among students in grades 5 and 6, and in year 7. 

When COVID-19 struck, the world shut down, and we were forced into lockdown, especially those in Melbourne, which endured some of the strictest and longest lockdowns globally. Parents became their children’s teachers, friends, and companions—a mammoth task with immense expectations, especially for those untrained in education. Despite these challenges, parents did an incredible job and should feel proud to have emerged from this period with their sanity intact. 

Due to the prolonged absence from school, children fell behind in their schoolwork and missed significant developmental milestones typically learned in early school years. For instance, children learn how to share and play cooperatively with their peers, who quickly correct rough behavior or unkindness. 

These "COVID kids" primarily played alone with parents who often let them dictate the rules, or they spent time on devices, leading to social awkwardness, shyness, timidity, and quick tempers when they didn’t get their way. Now back at school, they are expected to catch up on missed lessons while navigating social pressures, friend groups, and the absence of constant parental presence. They also need alone time and struggle with the noisy environment, making it hard to concentrate. The pressure on them is enormous. 

These children are expected to learn and behave like their pre-pandemic peers but lack the necessary social and academic foundation. Their friend groups are smaller, so if one friend is absent, the others may feel lonely and want to go home. 

When a child comes to me with school refusal issues, I work to identify their perceived problems and anxieties. I focus on building their confidence and resilience, using a combination of therapies such as guided imagery, counselling, and a version of role-playing therapy. I also introduce gratitude into their daily routine with my custom-designed kids' gratitude journal. 

In my books, I include daily activities where children list three things they are grateful for, three people they appreciate, and something in their day they are proud of. This activity helps them recognise their blessings and fosters a positive outlook.

Practical tips for parents 

Here are some practical tips to support your child: 

• Create a routine: Establish a consistent daily routine that includes regular wake-up times, meal times, and study periods. Consistency helps children feel secure and reduces anxiety. 

• Communicate openly: Encourage your child to talk about their fears and anxieties. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings. 

• Gradual exposure: Gradually expose your child to the school environment. Start with short visits to the school, meeting teachers, or attending school events. 

• Positive reinforcement: Use positive reinforcement to acknowledge attendance and participation. Celebrate small achievements to build their confidence. 

• Seek professional help: If your child’s anxiety is severe, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapists can provide specialised strategies and support. 

Setting goals and providing rewards can also be effective. For example, if a child dislikes a particular class like music, sports, or maths, find out what reward might motivate them to attend. Once they reach a set number of classes, they earn the reward. It could be a special lunch on class days or a bigger reward after a month of good attendance. Making it fun and allowing them to choose their reward gives them a sense of ownership and pride, boosting their self-esteem. 

Over time, as children see they can overcome challenges and gain confidence, they typically no longer need rewards. Practice truly does make perfect, and with patience and support, children can learn to manage their anxieties and thrive in their school environment. 

Addressing school refusal requires a collaborative effort between parents, teachers, and mental health professionals. By understanding and mitigating the unique challenges these children face, we can help them rebuild their social skills, academic performance, and overall confidence, paving the way for a more successful and fulfilling educational experience.